About the Journey

My name is Katherine and  my journey is ever changing. After my husband’s untimely death, it felt as if this tragic event and loss would define the rest of my life. Instead it is shaping my life, daily.  We all are on a journey of sorts and the twists and sometimes extreme abrupt turns cause us to slow way down, reflect daily, and enable us to grow. In every journey it IS about the process. Remember, the reflection portion is just as important as the growth that follows. Come and share with me in my growth as I share with you all my deepest innermost reflections. Remember this…if you don’t take care or have a vested interest in the story, you can not respect the journey.

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Strength

Strength is something that you don’t know you have

until you are using it

Strong is something that you don’t know you are

until you’re being it

If anyone would have told me five years ago

that strong is what I would have to be today

I would have laughed and said ahhhh get outta here

me? i’m just an ordinary girl

One Step Closer…

Everyday I’m one step closer

to walking in my purpose

Everyday I’m one step closer

to meeting the new me

The closer I get, the more sure I am

of who I’m supposed to be.

Everyday I’m one step closer

to turning and walking away

I’m one step closer

to seizing the day,

one step closer, to my destiny.

Everyday, I’m one step closer.

I Married My Prayer

“I prayed for you before I knew you.

I prayed even harder once I met you.

I asked God to please send me a husband to love me, even more than he would love himself.

I asked to have a husband that would take very good care of me, as well as the unconditional love.

I asked God to please send me a husband that would take me all over the world.

For the life of me I don’t know what possessed me to pray so specifically at the young age of fourteen.

All I know is that I met you thirty days before my 15th birthday and I haven’t stopped loving you since.

What’s more beautiful is that I married my prayer…

One day I woke up and I realized you were God’s gift to me.

 

A special thanks to Felicia Sams for coining the phrase and title of this literary piece without even knowing it. Thank you.

So Much to DO

Well, I have so much to do in this lifetime

yet I have no one to do it with

I have so many places I want to go

but no one with whom which to go

However, if I had it to do all over again…

I would still choose to do it with you.

And so, since your time here was cut short

and brought to an abrupt end

if I have to go alone, that is the choice I will make.

Many things are better off as two,

that’s just not possible if there is no you.

So I will continue to move with great intention

though the one that moves walks beside me no more.

To whom much is given, much is required

and that is one thing of which I am very sure.

I can count on a million things in this lifetime,

but our love was the greatest of them all.

 

 

The Walk

Many things in this life are certain

and very few things remain true,

one thing I know for certain

is the constant absence of you.

I have embraced this journey

though right now it feels like just a walk

I’ve come a long way baby

and that’s not just talk.

I move with intentional purpose

certain days more than some,

one thing I’ve come to realize

no one ever said this would be fun.

I run into old friends,

and that is my reassurance that a part of you is always here,

always watching over us

calming those deepest fears.

Everyday is a new day

and with each I think I gain a little more strength,

My walk was made for this journey

I was made to go the length.

Truth…

Yesterday

hmmmmm….yesterday

Well, yesterday seems like such a distant memory

because yesterday I didn’t get to see you,

yesterday we celebrated our youngest’s birthday.

But yesterday we didn’t hear you singing happy birthday.

Oh what a distant memory yesterday seems.

you standing in the doorway,

and I always was in a hurry, in a rush, busy…

busy wasting away all of our yesterdays moments.

If I could get back, just one yesterday.

But yesterday is a distant memory, a summer breeze past

yesterday was the moment that was never meant to last.

 

 

You Always Told Me…

My forever angel you always told me to take care of myself,

and that if I didn’t, no one else would.

Well, I’m taking care of me and my heart, my mind, and the kids.

Doing my best everyday to do what is good.

Things are as you left them, us still loving you and living life well.

You always told me that life ain’t fair,

and some days that is how it seems.

But I recognized it more clearly when I realized how far I had fell,

grasping for life’s invisible beams.

Sometimes life is not that kind, and this one thing I’ve come to know.

If we pick ourselves up by the bootstraps,

in a little while our strength will begin to show.

When we pull our belts really tight…

Yeah, we will be able to  withstand the ride,

knowing tomorrow is just in sight,

with God and our forever angel on our side.

(Esther 4:14) Perhaps you were made queen for such a moment as this…

Hmmm…a beautiful thought to ponder

Some Good Days & Some Bad Days

Today started off so good. In fact I have been doing extremely well. But then one little thing threw my whole day off.

I felt alone.

I felt sad.

I missed you.

I thought and said how much I love you.

I prayed.

I sang a little.

I meditated.

But most of all I missed you.

Then I thought some more.

I realized, there would

be some good days, and there would be some bad days.

I just had to accept that today was one of those days.

Tomorrow, I plan to make it a different kind of day.

 

 

Another Frantic Friday

Fridays used to be my favorite day of the week. And for as long as I can remember I loved when War would come through the front door, Pria would greet him first and we were ALL just happy to see him.

Like, I never realized just how happy the kids and I were to see him when he came through the door. I still can see him standing in the front door, in his uniform bending over rubbing Pria and Pria just happy. Even Pria hasn’t been the same since you went away.

I ask myself if you cried at the thought that you knew you wouldn’t be able to see us one more time, or tell us that you really didn’t want to go. But that morning before I awoke, I remember you calling out my name three times. I remember seeing your face. I saw you there in our room it was as if we were face to face. I was so tired that night. I remember getting steps in before I went to bed that night, as a matter of fact I stayed up until a little after midnight. I remember that you told me you had a mission and to pray that all would go well.

The day was not a frantic Friday but more like a manic Monday. I have never forgotten how hectic that morning was. In fact it was so hectic that the notification team had a difficult time locating me. When they finally caught up to me I remember saying, “oh God did I pray?” My day had been that hectic.

From that day forward I never prayed so much, I prayed to God to make the nightmare go away. I prayed a lot. But I cried more than anything else.

 

 

“When the Rest of the World Seems to Forget”

When the rest of the world seems to forget,

and they tell us that life goes on…

When the rest of the world forgets,

and a good day seems horribly wrong…

When everything around me is perfect,

in every other aspect…

We will always remember,

when they seem to forget.

Its not enough though, when I see an evil adult

consumed with this busy world,

under their breath hurl an insult.

I’ve seen them look at my baby and mumble “he must be losing his mind”

I want to scream at the top of my lungs,

“if only you knew maybe you’d try to be just a little kind.

Or when they send silly notes like “he had nothing to write with today”

I  wonder  what they’d think if they knew I was using a gps

but STILL managed to go the wrong way.

SO when the rest of the world seems to forget

and is caught up in the lie of looking busy

My heart will always choose to beat slow and remember,

how sweet life was yesterday.

I”m not alright

but I know I’ll be okay.