The Walk

Many things in this life are certain

and very few things remain true,

one thing I know for certain

is the constant absence of you.

I have embraced this journey

though right now it feels like just a walk

I’ve come a long way baby

and that’s not just talk.

I move with intentional purpose

certain days more than some,

one thing I’ve come to realize

no one ever said this would be fun.

I run into old friends,

and that is my reassurance that a part of you is always here,

always watching over us

calming those deepest fears.

Everyday is a new day

and with each I think I gain a little more strength,

My walk was made for this journey

I was made to go the length.





Well, yesterday seems like such a distant memory

because yesterday I didn’t get to see you,

yesterday we celebrated our youngest’s birthday.

But yesterday we didn’t hear you singing happy birthday.

Oh what a distant memory yesterday seems.

you standing in the doorway,

and I always was in a hurry, in a rush, busy…

busy wasting away all of our yesterdays moments.

If I could get back, just one yesterday.

But yesterday is a distant memory, a summer breeze past

yesterday was the moment that was never meant to last.



You Always Told Me…

My forever angel you always told me to take care of myself,

and that if I didn’t, no one else would.

Well, I’m taking care of me and my heart, my mind, and the kids.

Doing my best everyday to do what is good.

Things are as you left them, us still loving you and living life well.

You always told me that life ain’t fair,

and some days that is how it seems.

But I recognized it more clearly when I realized how far I had fell,

grasping for life’s invisible beams.

Sometimes life is not that kind, and this one thing I’ve come to know.

If we pick ourselves up by the bootstraps,

in a little while our strength will begin to show.

When we pull our belts really tight…

Yeah, we will be able to  withstand the ride,

knowing tomorrow is just in sight,

with God and our forever angel on our side.

(Esther 4:14) Perhaps you were made queen for such a moment as this…

Hmmm…a beautiful thought to ponder

Some Good Days & Some Bad Days

Today started off so good. In fact I have been doing extremely well. But then one little thing threw my whole day off.

I felt alone.

I felt sad.

I missed you.

I thought and said how much I love you.

I prayed.

I sang a little.

I meditated.

But most of all I missed you.

Then I thought some more.

I realized, there would

be some good days, and there would be some bad days.

I just had to accept that today was one of those days.

Tomorrow, I plan to make it a different kind of day.



Another Frantic Friday

Fridays used to be my favorite day of the week. And for as long as I can remember I loved when War would come through the front door, Pria would greet him first and we were ALL just happy to see him.

Like, I never realized just how happy the kids and I were to see him when he came through the door. I still can see him standing in the front door, in his uniform bending over rubbing Pria and Pria just happy. Even Pria hasn’t been the same since you went away.

I ask myself if you cried at the thought that you knew you wouldn’t be able to see us one more time, or tell us that you really didn’t want to go. But that morning before I awoke, I remember you calling out my name three times. I remember seeing your face. I saw you there in our room it was as if we were face to face. I was so tired that night. I remember getting steps in before I went to bed that night, as a matter of fact I stayed up until a little after midnight. I remember that you told me you had a mission and to pray that all would go well.

The day was not a frantic Friday but more like a manic Monday. I have never forgotten how hectic that morning was. In fact it was so hectic that the notification team had a difficult time locating me. When they finally caught up to me I remember saying, “oh God did I pray?” My day had been that hectic.

From that day forward I never prayed so much, I prayed to God to make the nightmare go away. I prayed a lot. But I cried more than anything else.



“When the Rest of the World Seems to Forget”

When the rest of the world seems to forget,

and they tell us that life goes on…

When the rest of the world forgets,

and a good day seems horribly wrong…

When everything around me is perfect,

in every other aspect…

We will always remember,

when they seem to forget.

Its not enough though, when I see an evil adult

consumed with this busy world,

under their breath hurl an insult.

I’ve seen them look at my baby and mumble “he must be losing his mind”

I want to scream at the top of my lungs,

“if only you knew maybe you’d try to be just a little kind.

Or when they send silly notes like “he had nothing to write with today”

I  wonder  what they’d think if they knew I was using a gps

but STILL managed to go the wrong way.

SO when the rest of the world seems to forget

and is caught up in the lie of looking busy

My heart will always choose to beat slow and remember,

how sweet life was yesterday.

I”m not alright

but I know I’ll be okay.






For this Journey



For this journey I know that I was chosen,

and since you do not return a gift that was given

I  cherish it with my heart

that it is trying to make me driven.


One step at a time is progress

and two steps may mean that I am moving on

any step in the right direction…

is the journey I want to be on.











“The Push”

We are 7 days out from 2 years…and what does that mean?

It depends on whom you ask. Hmph, another ” question” for the unsuspecting.

Seven hundred seventeen days that I have lived without you here…and it hurts still but I’m gonna make it.

Others don’t know that 7 days shy of two years means seven hundred seventeen days.

But for us seven hundred seventeen days and still standing means you have “the Push.”



When My Mind Goes On a Journey

Well, when  my mind goes on a journey, I often have to revisit thoughts and feelings that I am trying to move on from or distance myself from if you will. When my mind goes on a journey, my heart usually stands still in time. My body hurts and some of my body parts tense up. My throat feels as if I have swallowed a golf ball and my heart feels as if someone threw a baseball at about 90 mph and hit me in the chest. My journey is an intentional quest through sometimes dark and sometimes sunny but cloudy places. If my mind could go on a journey and take my heart too…I  know that particular journey would lead right back to you. I love you.