Well, when my mind goes on a journey, I often have to revisit thoughts and feelings that I am trying to move on from or distance myself from if you will. When my mind goes on a journey, my heart usually stands still in time. My body hurts and some of my body parts tense up. My throat feels as if I have swallowed a golf ball and my heart feels as if someone threw a baseball at about 90 mph and hit me in the chest. My journey is an intentional quest through sometimes dark and sometimes sunny but cloudy places. If my mind could go on a journey and take my heart too…I know that particular journey would lead right back to you. I love you.
Never forget I love you
never forget you’re my why
When the rest of the world forgets
you’ll still be my guy
Never forget love is forever
never forget that the void will always remain
never forget steps I’ve accomplished
never forget my heart will always know pain.
The smile that used to be there
it’s slowly coming back into view
never forget that I will always remember
that my why is you.
With each passing day,
I am finding it easier to talk about you
with each passing week,
though I wouldn’t have it this way, Im finding it easier to live another day without you.
Though I still try to take things slow,
the world wants me to move so fast
With each passing day, i realize
that this is not a race to be won
nor a quest of sorts to be conquered
for fame or fun.
So my forever angel, I say to you
I’m not as sad as I used to be that you had to go away
Im living life as you would want it
until we meet again some day.
Life has taught me to be kind to myself,
with out you, that is the only way I can go on.
Living our legacy,
able to breathe once again, on my own.
Some say dreams are for dreamers,
I say dreaming is f or lovers, the lovers of people, the lovers of souls and the lovers of angels.
When I really miss my forever angel, I pray to God to not let him be too far away and as I pray I see him dancing with me.
The past two weeks have been phenomenal and the countless times that I have “experienced” my forever angel’s presence have been overwhelmingly good to say the least. I suppose with my birthday and Valentine’s Day approaching maybe that is why.
I will share an amazing “exercise” I tried and my mind was blown away. I totally know that God will allow our angels to contact us from the heavenly realms.
A few days ago upon my return from my birthday cruise, I prayed again to God to please let my forever angel to let me know he was with me because I cried a lot on my birthday trip because I missed him so much. Well I was reading something written by James Van Pragh and he gave an example of what one could do to if they wanted to learn to decipher what it is your angel or spirit trying to say to you. So with that being said i followed the instructions. i closed my eyes, scrolled my music list and tapped the screen…my music landed on “Hello Beloved” I thought wow! It was important for a few reasons. I smiled from ear to ear as I listened to the lyrics. However I must say that “to listen to the lyrics that you landed on” was NOT a part of the excercise but I kept getting a strong urge like i was supposed to listen and so I did. As i listened, I realized that the lyrics mirrored conversations that my husband and I had had in the past. But i was still slightly skeptical even though I had the biggest smile on the inside. The next day, I did the same exercise and when i opened my eyes after placing my finger on the play list, guess what song I landed on? You guessed it, “Hello Beloved!” I was convinced my forever angel had been watching me as I missed him and my heart ached for him…he was loving me still. And all of the dreams and visions of us in the past two weeks of him smiling and waving and us dancing were not just happenstance. And on the morning of my birthday in my dream, my forever angel was making me a heart shaped wreath out of leaves. He held it up and added some beautiful flowers, it was as if he was saying look what I’m able to do! What a way to start my birthday! So I leave you with this, dreams are not just for dreamers, they’re for our angels too.
It has been some time since I have written but it is not because I have abandoned my thoughts or gifts. Sometimes you lie the pen down. I had a little bit of word block. I felt like the world was pulling my too fast. Everybody here is in a hurry, they want to do this, do that, and they don’t want to do it by themselves and THAT is an issue that we all have. SO this morning I want to say that if you are worried about direction or speed of your life…slow down. This is not half as easy as it sounds but you must intentionally slow down. Because in order to enjoy what is for you you must slow down. And before you even are able to get into that space you must slow down in order to be able to comprehend what is for you. Life is short, and it seems as if we have so much time here but the truth of the matter is you must slow down that your time is well spent. It is crazy no beyond crazy the number of intelligent people that can and don’t comprehend this. I know that God has allowed me and placed me in a space where I am able to slow and breathe him in. The Bahamas upped that to another whole level of slowing down and hearing Gods audible voice. I am okay with that.
Just when it seems that one part of my journey,
has come to an end;
I realize thats not what it means at all, it simply means
another chapter is about to begin.
In five lifetimes I couldn’t imagine living this life without you,
though I know some things will seem difficult to do,
I get up and face each new day with a new hope…
just when I seems I can’t, then I do, and I know that I can,
just when it seems…
Have you ever just wanted
to go to sleep and not get up
sit down and not
ever again stand up
Just one thing goes wrong
and it is like the end of the world
but its not…
tomorrow is a new day
i’ll start over
and give it a new try.
Tomorrow is a new day
There are some good days
and there are some bad days
in the midst of a good day
a wave of despair
will come and wash away
the remnants of a good day
I’m holding on to hope
that in between the bad days
there are still some good days.
Mind wide open,
Eyes wide shut
My mind in a frenzy,
my heart is in a rut.
Though I keep trying,
I push until I can’t push anymore.
my insides all mangled
and my emotions all torn.
I know this is hard to imagine
ones mind wide open,
with their eyes wide shut.
It has been a minute since I have posted anything but it is time for me to get back to living. My mind and my body does want to move forward but when you love deeply and genuinely, love has no sense of time. Love transcends all realms. So it is as if my mind is moving forward but my heart has stopped. That won’t change because when I love wholly it is with my whole heart, and my whole being. So I suppose that as I “go through” I will have to learn to “fake it” to some degree. But in the meantime, I am free just to be me.