From Heartbreak to Hope

The enemy meant for me to perish when he saw an avenue to eliminate my love…

but when I tell you that in heartbreak there is hope,

and along the road called hope there is healing! I tell you this is the truth.

In the beginning I felt as if someone had turned off the sun in my life!

Literally that is what grief feels like. But when you walk, and you stay on this journey!

you will eventually arrive at that road called HOPE! And once you do…

The rest is history…the rest is HIS STORY!

Hope makes for the most beautiful story because it is like a flower, blooming no

matter what the season. No matter what the season, HOPE IS ALWAYS IN BLOOM!

Once hope blooms, there again we will find love.

“I love you in the morning,

I love you at noon,

I love you until later

I loved you before there was a soon.

I love you in my darkest moments

I loved you when all i felt was doom

I love you simply because no matter what the season

HOPE IS ALWAYS IN BLOOM!

 

 

 

 

 

“Grievances Without Merit”

A good friend once told me “I complained about not having shoes until a met a man with no feet”

Well, now i like to think of complaints as more like “grievances without merit.”

I walk around so many times thinking this is just me. I have got to be the only one that has suffered like THIS! Our circumstances are horrible! My husband was a good man, he served without question, we were an amazing family, and we…we…we wah, wah, wah!!!

Then I started to talk to people. One day I was having a bad day and I decided to go and talk to my neighbors and I my one neighbor whom I ALWAYS saw walking her dog and smiling and just a joy to see her smile…well it turned out that she had lost her husband too, whom had JUST retired a little over a year ago. She lived alone, they had moved to Texas from California but she had her husband longer than me and from that standpoint had more invested but she was still walking, talking, and living. The more I began to talk to people the more I began to realize I was NOT the only one that had suffered loss and not only was I not the only one, but nor I would be the last. And since I plan on living until I’m one hundred and ten…I will suffer many more losses so I need to learn how to grow through this.

The more that I learn, I am able to realize that my complaints are simply grievances without merit.

 

“Heaven’s Reassurances”

I believe that feathers are heaven’s little reassurances that our loved ones are never very far. And I believe that some people are heaven’s reassurances that God allows many things but one thing that He won’t allow is for us to fall so far that we can never get up and regroup.

One lifetime at a time, one day at a time, one step at a time, and one moment at a time…

If we keep pushing through the muck, heaven’s little reassurances prevail and we somehow know that though at one point we thought that we may not make it through. We will be alright.Heaven’s little reassurances today are God’s insurances for tomorrow.

“The Pain”

The pain is so real and so raw that if you touch it I would cringe.

I hate to explain to people that it is two years but my heart feels like someone is squeezing the very life out of it.

The pain makes me just want to run, but my legs hurt too much.

I want to feel whole and while I know that whole is something my heart and soul will never be again, I still strive for it.

The pain is simply way too much to bear but I have to hold on because I have Xavier and the rest of the family. We all know you never start something and quit, that is our Turner mantra, so since I’m the last man standing i don’t get to throw in the towel and quit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I Remember”

I remember that it was a Monday.

I remember that it was very cold.

I remember them walking into my job.

I remember them meeting them at the door.

I remember them asking if I was Katherine Turner.

I remember them asking if there was an office where we could speak privately.

I remember distinctively that the sergeant major looked into my eyes as if he were watching someone give his wife the bad news, but I remember thinking this mean behind man is injured and I will have to take care of his ornery self.(I wished)

I remember the word SUCCUMBED, thats what I remember about that conversation.

I remember yelling so loud that I scared myself in the midst of shock.

I remember saying no this will kill his mother, this is not true.

I remember my friend Sara, driving me home.

I remember us driving slowly into the drive way.

I remember the look of betrayal in Chase’s eyes.

I remember a sea of blurry faces.

I remember a neighbor that said she saw the men in uniform come to my house and she just wanted to stop and let me know if there was anything, anything at all that she could do she would gladly do it.

I remember Xavier’s bus slowly coming down the street.

And I remember watching him skip home and I just couldn’t stand at the door and watch him because I knew that would be the last time that I saw that happy kid, with not a single care in the world.

I remember as I stood in the kitchen surrounded by the same sea of blurry faces and I told my baby that I’m so sorry but daddy is never coming home again.

I remember so much of that day…

but what I remember most is every day after that…

because your absence is just as much a presence as if you were standing there.

I will always remember.

Simply Katherine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

black hole

There is this place,

that i don’t like to go

sometimes i get sucked in

to this black hole.

i  never see it there,

until it is too late for me

to save myself

from this inevitable misery.

it is the emptiest place

i always go there alone

i never stay long

because its so far from home.

however, its the weirdest thing

i can go there in the midst of a crowded room

i dread the black hole

and its impending gloom.

my happiness is what they stole

on that fateful day

they left a black hole in my heart

when they took you away.

i always say I’m done crying

but then i can’t help shedding a few tears more

my heart is simply broken

and it seems i can take much more.

 

 

 

 

 

“What If”

What if we were to wake up and all of this were to be just a real bad dream?

Then we’d all wake up to realize that we were just dreaming.

Today i just feel like dreaming when the rest of the world is moving, living, being…

today I just don’t feel like anything.

What if i could go to sleep and reawaken to a perfect world, to kind people

at this point ANYTHING!

So I have to let go, i have to move on, and my heart needs to heal but…

what if…

i can’t.

 

 

“As I Grow”

img_2042As I grow, I Hope that the world is kind,

as I grow I hope that I am allowed

to be me, to be free, to just simply be…

As I grow.

I am so empty during this time of year,

hoping, wishing, reaching for anything of peace

anything lacking chaos,

that my bring my heart a little ease.

As I grow, I will reflect on things of yesterday

while embracing the treasures of tomorrow

and as I grow I will remember to cherish the memories

but still let go of the sorrow…

as I grow.